The Super Nerd Show!
by Neoshadowwolf
Summary: Is Lugia predominantly a water dweller? Why is Venomoth susceptible to earthquakes? Which came first: the Unown or the Latin alphabet? I'm DJ Bob of the Variety Channel and together we will explore the oddities of the Pokémon world in the Super Nerd Show!
1. Are Poké Balls Based on Mushrooms?

"And that was 'Exile Vilify' by The National. Good morning, everyone! This is Super Nerd Bob of the Variety Channel and you are now listening to the very first broadcast of 'The Super Nerd Show!'

"The Pokémon world is a very strange place, isn't it? There are uncertain rumors behind different Pokémon, strange locations that warrant explanations, and some pretty famous people of whom we know little about. Well… starting with today, I am going to bring up a thought-provoking topic for you Pokéfans out there and we are going to see if we can provide explanations for them.

"The weather is stormy with a whole plethora of questions at the Super Nerd Kingdom today so let's get down on our first simple topic: the design of the Poké Ball!

"Now some of us know different ways in which Poké Balls are constructed, the most commonly known method being hollowing out Apricorns. But what inspired that red-and-white design of the modern Poké Ball?

"If you ask me, let's take a look at this Pokémon species called Foongus. If you have never heard of it, that is because it is neither native in Kanto or Johto. Foongus is a small mushroom Pokémon with a peculiar little trait: its cap looks exactly like the modern-day Poké Ball! It maintains this cap as it evolves into Amoonguss and sprouts two arms ending with flat shields that resemble-you guessed it-Poké Balls.

"And of course, there is evidence to suggest that this same design is older than we think; some of them date back to when Pokélantis was still standing. The Pyramid King himself, Brandon, has managed to recover a stone orb that looks like just a Poké Ball. It's too bad this little relic is not going to be exhibited anytime soon, what with ghostly possessions going on lately. But luckily, he kept a photograph! It resembles the pattern on Foongus's cap, only it is that aged gray color. Do you know where the ruins are now? Why, our own Pewter City!

"And for those of you nearing Pewter City, I heard that the Pewter Museum of Science is holding an exhibition of ancient devices used to contain Pokémon back then just like we do today. Included in the exhibition is a small tour of the ruins of Pokélantis themselves, so I seriously recommend you check this out while you're in town. And no, don't worry… I don't think they are just going to put in strange objects without inspecting them first. So for those kiddies who are expecting giant Pokémon fights to occur right in the museum… sorry to disappoint you.

"But back to my point: could it be that the original inventor of the Poké Ball, centuries or maybe millennia back, has a certain fondness for that little mushroom Pokémon? Hopefully, we will find the answers soon.

"Now Bob, why are you not suggesting that Voltorb might have inspired the design? The answer is simple, my fellow nerds: does Voltorb look like a Pokémon that occurs in nature? Not only it thrives on electricity, it hangs around power plants. I don't think there are power plants in ancient kingdoms. I wonder where they came from in the first place? Well, that's a question for another day.

"Thanks for listening, everyone! If you have some topics you wanted to bring up for discussion, you can text TOPIC to 7653 and we'll give you a call. You can also leave comments on the Variety Channel's Pokébook account. Stay tuned for Buena's Password coming up in a few minutes, and I'll see you fellow nerds out there next week!"

"The Variety Channel that's a treasure chest filled with laughter and tears!"

* * *

_This is my first shot at a fanfic that has no structured plot. Being a huge fan of Pokémon myself (and also a critic), I often find flaws and oddities with the Pokémon world that tend to haunt me. It could be a disturbing trait about a certain Pokémon or a big, gaping plot hole left forgotten. Either way, I find it really fun to debate on these kinds of topics._

_And for those of you who picked up on the Portal 2 reference, I salute you._


	2. Pretty Pretty, Shiny Shiny

"This show is sponsored by Mr. PokéPepper. Drink it. It tastes different from PokéCola…

"… Seriously? That's the tagline? And… PokéPepper? PokéCola? How many times do we need to use that silly prefix before it becomes tired out?"

"Uh, Bill? You're still on the air."

"Huh? D'oh!"

"Sorry about that folks. Please disregard that (have to fire him later). You are listening to the Variety Channel by me, the Variety Hour Guy! Since you've all been asking for his return, we have a treat for you. Please welcome back our fellow rookie, Super Nerd Bob!"

"Thank you, boss, and helloooo Pokémon world! This is Super Nerd Bob and you are now listening to 'The Super Nerd Show!'

"Has anyone ever heard of that red Gyarados that once resided at the Lake of Rage? For those who lived at Johto a few years back, of course you do. But let's think about this for a sec: how did this happen? Why did the Gyarados become red instead of blue? Well, it was believed that due to forced evolution an ordinary Magikarp didn't have time to change to blue as it undergoes it transformation. Not to toot my own horn, but that is just ridiculous. That didn't explain why there existed golden Magikarps!

"So today's topic is-that's right-Shiny Pokémon!

"Here is a curious idea: why are they even called Shiny Pokémon? According to those lucky trainers who had ran into one at least once, they sparkled and made this weird ringing sound before a battle began. For those who owned one, they did the same thing when they were launched out of their Poké Balls. That is crazy! Were all Shiny Pokémon born with that? And didn't those traits ever annoy them?

"But seriously, let's talk about the real subject matter: the colors themselves. They say on a blue moon during fall season with the planets in alignment while a Ho-oh flies off to space, a Pokémon with different colors hatches out! But what actually determines those colors? Well, if you look at some photos of Shiny Pokémon and compare them to their ordinarily-colored counterparts you might notice it is the same color but at a different shade. Take Abra for example as it evolves into Kadabra. This comes to suggest that a minor mutation occurs while the infant is still a fetus and it ends up altering the skin, fur or scale pigmentation.

"And then you have some really weird cases. For example, let's look at a Shiny Charmander. Instead of this red-orange color, it is yellow. Interesting alteration… they are both at least warm colors though. But when it evolves to a Charmeleon, it still maintains that yellow color. Normally when a Charmander evolves, its skin color changes from red-orange to a dark shade of red; so oddly enough, the skin color of a Shiny Charmander remains unchanged when it evolves. Now this is where it gets confusing: when a Shiny Charmeleon evolves, it evolves into a black Charizard with blood-colored wings! How does that even work?

"So for the ordinary colors, you have: red-orange, red, red-orange. But for the shiny colors, you have: yellow, yellow, black. Wow. Nature is weird. But still, a black Charizard? That has got to be the most awesome thing evah!

"Here is another question, assuming the colors are a result of additional mutation: do the different colors alter the Pokémon's fighting ability or longevity? Well, many years ago biologists say that their fighting ability is average; never truly weak but never will have higher potential. But as time goes by, this has been corrected. Shiny Pokémon are now regarded as no better or worse than their counterparts. Even though it is still uncertain, there is no evidence to suggest that the altered colors have any effect on a Pokémon's life expectancy. If that is true, that is a relief. For a minute, I might think my Pokémon has been sitting out under the sun for too long while it is still an egg.

"I might be overthinking it but here is another question that may raise some brows: why is there only one 'Shiny' color scheme for each and every species of Pokémon? You have your purple and yellow Rattatas. You would think such a prolific Pokémon would come in more color varieties, such as albino, black or red. Maybe there is one having spots on its fur. And yes, I am aware there existed pink Rattatas somewhere in this crazy world due to some berry that turns Pokémon pink… but honestly, I am not a fan of pink.

"Really think about it. I can argue that the 'Shiny' color scheme is a result of a random mutation, but why is there just one standard color scheme for Shiny Pokémon? It is almost as if some Pokémon god has planned this; if for some reason a Pokémon is incapable of having the standard colors of its species, it will be born with another specific set of colors! But what if that other set of colors happens to fail too? I am a little scared just thinking about it…

"It really begs the question: are there are even more rare colors out there? I had a friend who told me he saw a purple Kecleon in his yard but I said, 'Nah, you're crazy. There is no way that could ever happen.' He showed me video footage on his camcorder and my jaw dropped. A Shiny Kecleon is primarily green like its regular counterpart but with differently-colored patterns, but this... I have no idea how to explain that. Save it for another day, hmm?

"That is all the time I have now, fellow nerds! I hope you enjoy today's topic and I'll be sure to bring a new one next week! If you have some topics you wanted to bring up for discussion, you can text TOPIC to 7653 and we'll give you a call. You can also leave comments on the Variety Channel's Pokébook account. Now, next up is "Pokémon Theme" by Jason Paige. Hear from you soon!"

* * *

_To those who submitted ideas, thanks for contributing. Before I look into your requests, I want to get some basic oddities out of the way first before I try those. Just keep a lookout and you might find your requests fulfilled._


	3. Kill Airborne Moths with Mud

"The Variety Channel that's a treasure chest filled with laughter and tears!"

"Good afternoon to you listeners out there! This is the Variety Hour Guy and you are listening to the Variety Channel. So how's the weather out there? Over here at Goldenrod City, it's a nice sunny day with a solid eighty degrees Fahrenheit, a great time for a walk at the beach or some windsailing! There is an eighty-percent chance of rain at the Lake of Rage, so anglers… use caution. We don't want to lose anyone when the lake floods.

"In other news, Gym Leader Jasmine is out vacationing in the Unova region so Olivine Gym is temporarily closed until further notice. For those passerby trainers in the area, worry not! Olivine houses a number of landmarks such as Glitter Lighthouse and the S.S. Aqua. It's also a grand spot for fishing for sea Pokémon, and of course… jet-skiing and windsailing! At the outskirts, you may also find MooMoo Farm and the Battle Frontier. Also stop by the Olivine Café for some unique seafood dishes!

"So now let's move on to our next broadcast. I am pleased to welcome back DJ Bob of now a big hit show, 'The Super Nerd Show!'"

"Thank you, VHG, and salutations to you all, my fellow nerds! I hope you are ready to have your minds blown by a whole wave of confusion! For today, I have a certain topic that will appeal to those Bug Catchers out there.

"Bug Pokémon. Some trainers were smitten by them. Some trainers were repulsed by their bizarre appearances. Me? Personally, I love bug Pokémon. I actually journeyed to the Hoenn region once just so that I can nab myself a couple of fascinating specimens called Volbeat and Illumise. They are flamboyant firefly Pokémon, male and female respectively, who are known to have been performing some nice lightshows out in forests or over lake surfaces. Oddly enough, I was very unlucky not to capture a Volbeat but I managed to get myself an Illumise. I named her Cindy and after raising her for a while, I really had come to love her personality. She is a real sweetheart and she gets along well with my other Pokémon. Unlike the rest though, she doesn't like to battle that much and I think I might know why.

"One time, I challenged one of my friends to a battle and I sent her out against his Diglett. Now at first, I thought this would be no problem since Cindy could fly. My friend announced, 'Dig!' and so his Diglett went underground. I asked Cindy to take to the skies so she wouldn't get harmed, but then-get this-the Diglett popped out of the ground and Cindy dropped from the sky as if being stricken by an invisible force! To add injury to insult, the Diglett pummeled her with Mud Ball until she cried uncle!

"And I don't think she was faking that Dig thing either. After the battle, I inspected her and she was covered with some visible scratches. How did that Diglett do it? Whatever it was, it spooked her so much that I kept her out of battles for a while.

"So can you guess today's topic, trainers? Well, let me spell it out for ya: Bug Pokémon with wings who for some reason can be harmed by Ground-type moves. Nice title, right?

"I have to admit, this baffles me to no end! Let me ask you something, trainers: can a Venomoth be harmed by Earthquake? No, right? Actually, yes! It **can** be harmed even though it spends most of its time in the air! Oh, but this is just the beginning of my bewilderment. There are more Bug Pokémon that share this same trait. See, I can name some: Beedrill, Heracross, and Dustox.

"Now most of you trainers ought to know the reasoning why most Flying-type Pokémon can't be harmed by Ground-type moves, right? Because they can fly away from danger! Only if they use Roost or have been stricken by Smack Down, they become vulnerable to moves such as Dig and Earthquake. But I still don't exactly understand why these bugs with wings can't do the same thing.

"Maybe these particular bugs are extra sensitive to tectonic shockwaves, so even if they are off the ground their senses still pick up the tremors and thus harming them… NAH! That's stupid. Besides, that is not exactly the same as being tackled from underground.

"I guess that is why none of these Pokémon is classified as a 'Flying' type. Strangely enough, they don't have the special ability Levitate either. Why not? If a bulky doll with multiple eyes can take to the air and dodge earthquakes and slings of mud, why can't Bug Pokémon that can move out of harm's way at a much faster pace do the same?

"I know I am sounding like a broken record here, folks, but this… Grr! It drives me nuts when logic is somehow disproven by a very stubborn fallacy. So, what is my take on this? Here it is: I have no clue. Your guess is about as good as mine.

"And that is all I have for today, trainers! You've all been a wonderful audience so stay tuned for next week's topic! You know the drill: If you have some topics you wanted to bring up for discussion, you can text TOPIC to 7653 and we'll give you a call. We also have a Pokébook account so go ahead and post on our wall. For those who have already done so, thank you very much for your feedback. Your comments help in keeping this show on the air and you have my sincerest gratitude for that. After commercial, expect a visit from the Pokémon Search Party. Buh-bye now!"

* * *

_Just so you readers know, I am aware that the main issue with this topic is more related to the gameplay mechanics of Pokémon games rather than following contemporary logic. Imagine Pokémon having a third element in the games. I will agree that it will most likely be a mess but still… I am curious to why none of the Bug Pokémon mentioned above, Volcarona included, do not have the Levitate ability. It does not seem to be harmful to competitive battling as the Bug element itself is resistant to attacks and abilities of the Ground element. Perhaps the programmers didn't see any point in adding Levitate for them and instead looked into more useful abilities._

_But just remember I am poking fun at these logical fallacies and treating them more seriously while still being in character. Since I have three entries for this story already, I will think of using a requested topic as the next chapter._


	4. Super Nerd Bob Used Full Restore!

"Good morning, Pokémon trainers! This is the Variety Hour Guy and you are listening to the Variety Channel. Our next segment will be The Super Nerd Show coming in a couple of minutes. But first, I will like to go over some important news.

"Jasmine of Olivine City is scheduled to return sometime tomorrow afternoon, so the gym should be operational quite soon. Trainers, I advise that you remain patient until she gives the word that she is ready to accept challenges again. Seriously, don't swarm all over her. She has a Steelix bodyguard of whom she is not afraid to use.

"For those living at Mahogany Town, there were a couple of robberies that occurred at Route 42 and Route 44 during nighttime. We advise that you do not travel from Ecruteak to Blackthorn after six in the evening. Be on the lookout for two short men wearing sunglasses and carrying burlap sacks that may contain stolen objects and Poké Balls. If you see any suspicious activity that may be related to these two burglars, report to your local police department as soon as possible. Stay out of trouble and always keep a strong Pokémon with you in case of emergencies.

"And now that we got those out of the way, I'll let Super Nerd Bob take over things from here. Bob?"

"Alrighty then! Hey everyone, this is Super Nerd Bob and you are now listening to 'The Super Nerd Show!' I think we are in for a real treat today, for we have a pretty big topic to discuss. Have you ever battled a trainer and just right that it seems you are about to win, he pulls out a Full Restore? Grr! Frustrating, right? So today's topic: items. Specifically, the consumable ones that you can buy in a store.

"Now, all of you trainers use items out there. If you really need to heal your team up and you don't feel like visiting the nearest Pokémon Center, use Potions! If you are in the middle of a cavern and you happen to get lost, use an Escape Rope! For those competitive trainers out there, you often use Technical Machines and Hidden Machines, correct? Items. They are a huge part of a trainer's life.

"But you already know that, right? So what possible traits can we question about items? Well, I'll tell you this: there are so many of them, it makes my nerd brain implode! So let's go over some questions, one at a time.

"To what extent can consumable items be used during battles? Well, that is indeed debatable. Some people are only willing to use a Full Restore twice per Pokémon. Even the Elite Four and the Champion in each region do that. But there are those special cases that will constantly use Full Restores until the other trainer gets tired! Not gonna lie, people: it is quite a cheat. There is no skill involved. It all comes down to who has the most money to spend for all these medicines. Luckily, the Battle Frontiers outlaw that. As soon as you issue a challenge in one of the Frontiers' facilities, your luggage of trainer items will be held until the challenge itself is over. But it makes me wonder: why didn't they do the same for the Pokémon League and the gyms as well? Okay… I guess it will be quite insane to take on the Elite Four AND the Champion without even once healing your team. But in this case, I speak of using items **during** battle. Some trainers set restrictions upon their usage while others freely use everything they have in their bag.

"Another question: why are Pokémon unable to use manmade items during battle? Okay, this is a tricky one. We can probably train our Pokémon to be the best of the best in battles… and still, they cannot use a Potion by themselves. Can they be trained to do so though? Well, I gotta be honest. I never tried it and I still didn't know why to this day. It would have been an interesting experiment. Okay. So Pokémon have no problem with using organic items during battle, such as berries. But, they won't figure out how to operate a manmade item with a simple squeezing mechanism. I understand that Pokémon will not know what to do with such an item at first, but will a demonstration teach them how? I guess when you don't have opposable thumbs (or fingers for that matter), it's a harder task than it looks. I can't imagine a Pokémon like Slugma attempting to use a Potion on itself. But what about those Pokémon who look like they can? Maybe, an Aipom? Sure. That still doesn't explain how somewhat civilized wild Pokémon can find bottles of Protein lying on the ground AND use them in the field."

POP!

"You hear that, folks? That was my brain imploding just now. I had this problem since I was a kid and my friends kept telling me to stop bringing logic into these discussions. Well, I kept telling them that logic was my strong suit. Besides, these topics are **so troubling** that I will never shut up about them. They just cycle in my head until I call it a night…

"And I think we have room for maybe one more question about items. So here it is: how do manmade items heal Pokémon? What are they made of and do they ever have harmful effects? Okay, I lied. That wasn't really one question, but it's still essentially the same subtopic! Okay, I am no expert in the field of medicine so I have to wonder what kind of stuff they put in those Potions we use on all of our Pokémon. Was it bacteria? Or maybe they put in antibiotics? Powerful chemicals? Or perhaps a mixture of each? "Well, whatever it is… it can certainly heal up damaged tissue pretty fast… on Pokémon. It is like super ointment times twenty! We have over six hundred existing species of Pokémon and it seems ALL OF THEM heal up from the usage of a Potion. Is there… any side effect from using one or maybe using too many in a lifetime that we don't know about? I hope not. The story is the same with Oran berries and Sitrus berries. But what happens if this medicine is used on a human? If we can manufacture such amazing medicines for our Pokémon, then how come have we not yet eliminated all diseases and disorders in this world? I still come down with a little flu once a year and it still sucks. I guess next time this happens, I will use an Antidote on myself out of curiosity… and a bit of insanity.

"There is still so much to talk about regarding items, but you know… can't do them all in one sitting, so another time perhaps. So everyone, thanks for listening and keep submitting your own topics. And speaking of which, I will like to thank 1TroublesomeGuy and ArtemisisSymmetrical for submitting their feedback and helping with coming up with today's topic. You two have been great and I hope you will keep tuning in for more of the Nerd.

"And if you trainers want to bring up topics, you know what to do. You may either text TOPIC to 7653 or you may leave comments on our Pokébook account. We'll verify if it really catches our attention and we will like to discuss it during a future episode. Coming up next, today's password from the lovely Buena after a bit of commercial. Hear from you soon!"


	5. DODGE!

"The Variety Channel that's a treasure chest filled with laughter and tears!"

"Hello to you listeners out there! This is the Variety Hour Guy and you are listening to the Variety Channel. Before we begin our next segment, I have a special news bulletin to bring up.

"The Mahogany Town burglars have been sighted entering the caverns of Mt. Mortar. The Ecruteak and Mahogany police forces, with their combined efforts, are currently investigating the labyrinthine caverns as we speak. For the time being, we advise that you remain cautious when travelling from Ecruteak to Blackthorn. If possible, do not travel during nighttime and always keep a strong Pokémon with you or you may risk getting robbed on the spot. Remember, they are identified as two short men wearing sunglasses and carrying burlap sacks. If you sight them elsewhere other than Mt. Mortar, contact your local police department as soon as possible.

"And now, I bring you Super Nerd Bob for our next segment."

"Thanks, VHG. It's good to hear that the whole burglar case is getting some leads. Now then… it's also good to hear from you trainers again. If you don't remember who I am (really hope you don't), I am Super Nerd Bob of 'The Super Nerd Show!' Today's topic is going to get a little weird, but I promise you that it will be a valid discussion! Beware, I am not responsible for the breaking of fourth walls Set up your barriers at your own risk.

"DODGE! DODGE! DODGE! OH NO, WHY DID YOU GET HIT? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO DODGE!

"Yeah, that doesn't seem to work out as straightforward as it should be, huh? Don't you just hate it when your opponent's attacks hit your Pokémon 99.9% at the time? That's why we are going to talk about dodging. How this works depends on whichever canon you want to adhere to.

"You know that anime they did of us? The one based on the Red lookalike with a Pikachu? Now, don't pretend that didn't exist. Unfortunately, it does exist and we have watched it. When we look back on it when we are older, we just realize how silly the whole TV show has become. Water Pokémon are weak against Fire Pokémon? A Swellow can absorb electricity and form some sort of golden armor? What…? Okay, that does NOT happen and it never will.

"I apologize, everyone. I am getting off topic and I am sure there are listeners who do like the show. But to be honest with you folks, that show just grinds my gears on just how inaccurate it is. But let's get back to the topic here: dodging. In the show, trainers can yell 'DODGE!' and somehow their Pokémon will comply and dodge incoming fire. The whole dodge craze at first wasn't frequent but as the series progressed, it got repetitive really fast. To be honest, battles later on feel even more staged and less authentic. Not too different from scripted wrestling matches, huh?

"Now here is what I want to know pertaining to that subtopic. Why do Pokémon need to be told to dodge in order for it to happen? Why can't they just dodge attacks on their own? And how do they just understand that word when told to them the first time around? Someone help me out with this, I really wanna know!

"But hey, the confusion doesn't end here. So let's look at this another way. You know about those games? Again, don't pretend they didn't exist. In fact, I could have sworn I've seen kids in this world carrying Game Boys and Nintendo DS's around. Now that is what I call a subliminal advertisement. Anyways, dodging works in a very different way here. You can never tell your Pokémon to dodge and the accuracy of moves all depend on these little numbers.

"Let's take one of the most basic moves in our world: Tackle. It's a very straightforward attack and it only involves a Pokémon running into another Pokémon. You think with an attack this predictable, it will be pretty easy to dodge. Right? Right…? Actually, no! It hits almost every time. If I were in the path of a charging Rhyhorn, I would move to the side when it would close in enough! Hehe. No, I will not actually try that. Risk getting gored by a spiky rock beast? Ahem! Too scary.

"Okay, when you ask your Pokémon to use Tackle… does the other Pokémon just stand there waiting to get hit? If so, why? Does it need to be told to dodge? Well, with the games… YOU CAN'T! So the Pokémon gets hit anyway. The accuracy of certain attacks doesn't seem to be realistic. The only way for some attacks to have a 100% accuracy… is if the opponent is standing in place! I don't know why a move like Agility, which obviously involves a lot of movement, doesn't get an evasion boost along with its speed boost. You'd think with a big speed boost, you can move away from an incoming Flamethrower. But no, it still hits. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

"So what have we learned today, my children? You tell me, because… I got nothing. I don't think the concept of dodging should be this hard to figure out. We have a lot of smart Pokémon in this world, perhaps even smarter than your typical human genius. They just still haven't learned to move to the side when an attack is coming, that's all…

"And that is all for today, trainers! Any more topics you will like to send to mess with my head, just text TOPIC to 7653 or you may leave comments on our Pokébook account. Coming up next is the Pokémon Search Party with some new discoveries! Hear from you soon!"


	6. Mewtwo & Ditto, Siblings?

"The following segment is sponsored by the Pokémon League. And yes, we are talking about the one between Kanto and Johto."

"Uh, thanks Bryan. I think they know… Hello to you fans out there and welcome to the evening edition of 'The Super Nerd Show!' I am your host, Super Nerd Bob, and tonight I have a particularly unnerving topic up for discussion! If you are squeamish about tragedies, I recommend you take a few minutes off of the radio. If not, I am sure you will like this next topic.

"You ever heard of that one Pokémon called Mewtwo? Of course you do. It is one of the strongest Pokémon in the world, if not THE strongest! But have you ever wondered what people have gone through to see its development and the results? Well, yes, the final result was the birth of one of the most vicious Pokémon in existence, but perhaps there were other things we didn't know about.

"So I will like to introduce tonight's topic: the results of Mewtwo's creation.

"First, we need to know a little backstory on how Mewtwo was created in the first place. Or rather, two different backstories. So let's begin with one.

"For one version of Mewtwo's origin, it was created on a remote island by Dr. Fuji as an enhanced clone born from a Mew fossil. Wait, a clone from a Mew fossil? How is that...? Never mind, we'll talk about that another time. Anyways, that is all well and good but… kind of a weak origin story, don't you think? There was not much to interpret here and it sounded implausible enough. I personally believe that the other backstory is much more tragic.

"So here is the second version of Mewtwo's origin. Before Cinnabar Island succumbed to a horrific volcanic eruption, it had a mysterious landmark known as the Pokémon Mansion. Apparently, it once belonged to an illustrious Pokémon researcher (Dr. Fuji?) before it fell into ruin. If you had visited the place at least once, you may notice the statues were modeled after Mewtwo's likeness.

"But to continue with the story, it was said that a Mew was taken into the depths of the mansion and was impregnated. Wait, a legendary Pokémon… pregnant? Again, another topic to save for later.

"So anyways, I thought of two theories in which what happened after. For one theory, the mother Mew had a single offspring that underwent various gene-splicing experiments. For the other, she had multiple offspring being experimented on with only one being a full-fledged Mewtwo! Ugh. Either way, it is one spooky backstory.

"And where did I come up with the second theory? Let's bring another Pokémon into this topic: Ditto.

"Yes, Ditto, that adorable pink goop that can turn into a copy of an opposing Pokémon. Before Pokémon Mansion vanished right off the map, there were a bunch of them inside. If you are willing to believe that Ditto was a Pokémon originally created in the depths of Pokémon Mansion, then listen to this. What if the original group of Ditto inside Pokémon Mansion were failed attempts in creating Mewtwo?

"Really think about it. Mew was the first Pokémon in existence to know the move Transform, and the only other Pokémon that could learn it naturally was Ditto. They also had the same Shiny coloration and the same base weight. Both Pokémon have the potential to use any Pokémon move in existence; though in Ditto's case, it is fully dependent on the Pokémon it mimics. All of Mew's base stats are equal to each other, as well as Ditto's base stats being equal to each other. Why are these traits so eerily similar? Perhaps Ditto's more-or-less carefree nature derived from Mew's as well .

"So wait, Ditto was also the result of some horrific experiments done in someone's basement? That is just my guess, but I do have another connection to make. There was a time when Mewtwo was a resident of Cerulean Cave, perhaps the toughest wild area in Kanto. Not only Cerulean Cave had a unique interior look from other caverns of Kanto, it had a surprisingly diverse number of Pokémon species! And guess what? Ditto was one of these species!

"So what does this mean? No one could have possibly conducted experiments in the depths of a sinister place like Cerulean Cave. Maybe the Ditto decided to follow Mewtwo to its next habitat? Or did Mewtwo bring them along? Or maybe, Mewtwo was losing body mass over time and the Ditto were the residue? Yeah. You got that last possibility? It sounds like body horror straight from science fiction, and I hope for Mewtwo's sake that it isn't true.

"And if it is true that Mewtwo and Ditto are the offspring of a Mew, there may be other things we don't know about. Had Mewtwo ever gotten to know its mother or vise versa? Did the Mew herself survive all of those experiments? I have to say, I really feel sorry for all these Pokémon. The Ditto are usually smiling a lot so I am guessing that maybe they don't mind living as amorphous blobs. Mewtwo, on the other hand, must have been irate to attack humans and seclude itself in the most brutal places our regions have to offer. Poor thing. And that Mew must have been so distressed to see her children altered like that. I hope wherever she is now, she may rest easy…

"And that concludes tonight's topic. All of you must be feeling depressed right now but don't worry. So am I. For next week though, I will bring back an uplifting topic so stay tuned for the next broadcast of The Super Nerd Show!

"And before I sign off, I want to bring up some news. Apparently, the Mahogany Town burglars are still at large as neither of them were found in the depths of Mt. Mortar. So for everyone in the Johto region, I highly advise that you keep a Pokémon out during evening hours. Make sure your Poké Balls and other belongings are secured. If any robberies occur (whether it happens to you or you see someone else getting robbed), please report it to your local police department immediately. These bandits must be captured!

"This is Super Nerd Bob, and I bid you all a good night!"


	7. Cyber Crane

_Dedicated to my friend CheckeredZebra._

* * *

"The Variety Channel that's a treasure chest filled with laughter and tears!"

"Good morning to you listeners out there! This is the Variety Hour Guy and you are listening to the Variety Channel. To start the day off, let's review the weather report.

"The areas around Goldenrod City are expected to be partly cloudy with a thirty-percent chance of rain. The temperature will drop throughout the day as low as sixty-six degrees Farenheit during daylight hours. It's nice and sunny out at the eastern areas of Johto, including Blackthorn City and New Bark Town, so definitely a great day for people and Pokémon to walk out and soak up the sunshine! Olivine City and Cianwood City are currently experiencing some turbulence at the coasts. It's recommended that you do not travel across the sea at this time.

"In other news, the burglars Billy and Cole are still on the loose. Recently, three trainers were mugged of their Pokémon and belongings at Route 44. The reports stated that these trainers were traveling during evening hours, so I'll say this again: for trainers traveling through Johto, do NOT travel during evening hours. Stay at the nearest town for the night and travel only during daytime.

"The burglars were last sighted escaping through Dark Cave from Blackthorn City. The police departments of Blackthorn and Violet are currently holding an investigation so Dark Cave will be closed off until further notice.

"For those wanting to take a detour towards Violet City, jump down the ledges in Route 45 and Route 46. Eventually, you will reach Route 29. From there, go west towards Cherrygrove City and then go north across Route 31 and Route 32 to reach Violet. For those wanting to visit Blackthorn City from Violet, I hope you have a Pokémon with Fly ready. If not and if you want to reach it by foot, you have to cross Route 36 and Route 37 in the west to reach Ecruteak City. Then head east towards Mahogany Town. You will need the move Surf to pass through. Keep heading east and traverse through Ice Path, and you will finally reach Blackthorn. It is a very long walk, and if you have not traveled this much before then I recommend you don't push yourself too hard. If you want to find the directions again, refer to our website: ___ .com._

"Now with the weather report and the news out of the way, I will like to welcome Super Nerd Bob with today's topic!"

"Thank you, Variety Hour Guy, and welcome back to all the nerds out there! I am your host, Super Nerd Bob, and you are currently listening to 'The Super Nerd Show!' Today, we have a very special guest speaker helping out. So get ready for applause, because here comes Professor Oak!"

A thunderous roar could be heard across Johto.

"You hear that, Professor? That was one loud applause!"

"I most certainly do! Thank you, everyone! It's great to be here!"

"It's a real honor for you to be here with us today. THE Pokémon Professor right here!"

"You flatter me, Bob. I'm glad I can be of assistance!"

"Do you have a show to do today?"

"No, sir. I am actually off."

"Awesome. Now before I proceed with today's topic, I want to ask you something. May I have your autograph?"

"Aha! Sure you will! But first, I believe you have a show to do. Don't want to hold up the listeners."

"Right right, we'll save it for after. Okay."

"So, Mr. Bob, is there something you want to speak to me about?"

"Yes. Do you know a lot about Porygon?"

"That virtual bird Pokémon? I am familiar with it, yes."

"Okay then! So today's topic for discussion is the Pokémon Porygon! I just have a few questions that I will like to bring up and I will let you go. Think of it as an interview."

"Take your time, Bob. I'm in no hurry."

"Okay. Just what is the purpose of Porygon?"

"Well, Bob, Porygon is the first Pokémon to be artificially created using modern technology. In this case, it was constructed with programming code."

"Ah, like Java and C?"

"Something like that, yes. It's a programming language that only Silph employees were taught and authorized to use."

"I see. Does the language itself have a name?"

"That information is classified."

"Oh. Sorry."

"That's alright, Silph told me the same thing. Now… after the coding is done, Porygon is given a physical form and is transported to the real world. It is a demonstration of whether humans are capable of bringing creations to life using software engineering. It is also meant to assist humans with space travel!"

"I see. How did the whole space travel thing go?"

"Not too good initially. As soon as Porygon reaches space, its body destabilizes. So one might say that it fails at where it is meant to succeed."

"I see. That is a bit sad."

"But it is a major achievement in human technology. To create a Pokémon completely from scratch is something amazing!"

"So that means we can have more Pokémon like this created."

"Correct!"

"Are you heavily involved in the creation of Porygon?"

"No, but I have been invited by Pokémon Lab a few times to check up on its progress. Porygon is a simple creation but I find its behavior patterns most peculiar."

"What do you mean?"

"Porygon is programmed to emulate Pokémon in real life. Even though it does not require food or water to survive, it is still capable of feeding."

"Interesting."

"I fed one an apple once. It just vanished right off my hands!"

"How did it do that with no visible mouth?"

"Supposedly, Porygon identifies the apple as an energy source so it can use electromagnetic waves to convert and absorb nearby sources of energy."

"That's interesting."

"So naturally, I was really astounded! Despite its simple design, Porygon functions and behaves much like a typical Pokémon!"

"And this is the first artificial Pokémon, you say?"

"With modern technology, yes."

"But does it have emotions like a typical Pokémon?"

"That's a good question. One would think programming limitations would deprive Porygon of genuine emotions. However, Porygon was designed to be able to live in the real world and adapt to its surroundings. Through observation, Porygon can make a few exceptions in its code and mimic humans and Pokémon alike to function as a member of society!"

"I see. That is quite awesome. Did Silph continue to try out space travel with Porygon?"

"As far as I am concerned, it is. With each new update, Porygon is able to travel even farther than before. With Porygon-Z, they actually attempt to explore alien dimensions. Unsuccessful, however. But while improving Porygon's ability to traverse through space, Silph developed new updates to allow Porygon become more like a typical Pokémon."

"Such as?"

"First off, to emulate evolution. An odd little box containing a compact disc was created to change Porygon's current form. It was simply called the Up-Grade."

"I see. How does it work?"

"In a similar vein of software getting updated, the Up-Grade rewrites Porygon's data to give it a more aesthetic appearance as well as amplifying its powers. Think of it as a software 'patch' that can only be triggered by a Pokémon trade."

"Ah. Does this Up-Grade device alter Porygon's existing behavior patterns though?"

"Fortunately, it doesn't significantly change. The Up-Grade is designed only to alter appearance and ability. Though its lack of flight doesn't allow it to explore space alone, this gets resolved with a later upgrade."

"That's good."

"This upgrade is known as the Dubious Disc. Just like with the Up-Grade, it is meant to alter appearance and fighting ability. The behavior after is slightly more fidgety, but for the most part it does not display dangerous behavior. And like before, the 'evolution' was triggered by a Pokémon trade."

"Why a Pokémon trade though? Porygon is rare enough as it is. I'm not sure if trainers simply just want to give it away."

"I am not quite sure. Maybe trade evolution is the easiest form of evolution to program and maintain. Maybe Porygon would react violently to just being exposed to a disc alone. As for just natural progression and eventual evolution, the idea might have been dropped due to copyright issues."

"Copyright?"

"Correct. The Up-Grade and Dubious Disc items are normally entrusted to trainers with great moral character. To simply allow Porygon to evolve by 'leveling up', as some people call it, may bring up trainers willing to abuse it as a dangerous weapon or a money machine."

"Like who?"

"Years ago, Team Rocket acquired the original code of Porygon which allowed the organization to produce copies of the Pokémon. The copies were sold to people at a very expensive price through the Rocket Game Corner. The equivalent of 9,999 Coins to be exact."

"That's a full Coin Case!"

"Indeed. To achieve that amount through the slot machines and roulette tables alone will take a lot of patience and perhaps a lot of losses. Nearly impossible."

"I would be out of a job by then if I took that long."

"So the idea is to prevent the evolved forms Porygon2 and Porygon-Z from falling into the wrong hands. The Up-Grade and the Dubious Disc are designed in a way to prevent illegal copies to be distributed. Only certain Silph employees can distribute the discs."

"So is that why no one has successfully hacked Porygon?"

"Correct. Silph does a good job in restricting important data."

"Wow."

"But as many people know, it is now easier to obtain Porygon after it was discovered that it could breed with Ditto."

"Just a heads up, folks: that shall be a future topic. Anyways, Professor, go on."

"I think that is about it for that. Do you have any more questions, Bob?"

"Yes, Professor. With Porygon, were any Pokémon discovered in space?"

"I'm sorry. That information is classified."

"Aw. That's a shame."

"I know. I wish we have more answers to that."

"Okay. Going back to what you said about Porygon's behavior, is it possible for Porygon to die due to a glitch?"

"My oh my."

"I'm sorry if this question makes you uncomfortable."

"No no. Your question is a valid one. Indeed, it is possible. Like any computer software, it is possible for Porygon to be attacked by a computer virus. If Porygon's data becomes corrupted before it can be saved, it will be beyond repair. Furthermore, Porygon is also vulnerable to sicknesses that Pokémon of the real world can catch."

"I see. I have one more question."

"Go ahead."

"Why the bird design? Is it meant to enhance Porygon's movement?"

"Supposedly, Porygon's appearance is based on that of an origami crane's. Whether this allows more freedom of mobility is questionable."

"I wonder if Porygon's abilities change if it were made in the shape of a bowling pin."

"Ha ha! Indeed."

"And I think I've been run dry of questions. So I guess that is the end of today's topic!"

"Excellent! That was fun."

"And it wouldn't be if you were not here with us today, Professor. Thank you for taking your time for guest-starring for us."

"Not a problem. If you have anything else to ask me, I'll be honored to make another appearance."

"I'll be sure to remember that. And thanks for tuning in, listeners! If you have some topics you wanted to bring up for discussion, you can text TOPIC to 7653 and we'll give you a call. You can also leave comments on the Variety Channel's Pokébook account. Now, Professor, about that autograph…"

"Of course, Bob. I haven't forgotten about that!"


	8. World's Fastest Growing Tree

_**NOTE:** Short one for now but I am hoping to have time to get more fics done. The next part to Stray is coming up and I really want that story to be going somewhere. If you have not read Stray yet and you like dark stories, check it out on my profile. I also have two new fics coming hopefully by this weekend. If not this weekend, next week is the charm._

* * *

"And that was 'Open Your Heart' by Crush 40. Good afternoon, listeners! This is the Variety Hour Guy and you are listening to the Variety Channel! Before we begin 'The Super Nerd Show!', I have some good news.

"The burglars Billy and Cole have finally been captured after being sighted leaving Route 46, where they were apprehended by the Cherrygrove police. The stolen goods include over thirty Poké Balls containing Pokémon, over six-hundred thousand Pokémon dollars, and many other items. The money and items will be held until further notice. For those who want to claim your stolen Pokémon, visit your local police department and indicate which of your Pokémon are missing. You will be required to show your Trainer Card to prove that the Pokémon is yours. If the Pokémon originally belonged to another trainer, please make a note of that in the report. For those night owls, it should be safe to travel during evenings now. But always be careful.

"And next up is Super Nerd Bob!"

"Welcome back to 'The Super Nerd Show!', listeners! I am Super Nerd Bob and I am relieved to hear that these men are finally behind bars. I'm sorry that you all have to go through a lot of trouble to take precautions, but just remember that it is for your own safety. To those who lost their belongings, I'm reallysorry. I hope you will reunite with your fellow Pokémon very soon.

"Now let's bring up today's topic: trees! Really! Why can't we pass through them? Is this a sign from Arceus that I need to lose some weight? Well, I'm not sure if that is totally possible. I weigh a steady one-hundred twenty pounds. What more do you want from me, Pokémon god?

"But seriously, have you seen those skinny trees? You know, the ones you can use Cut on and pass through? Don't they look tensile enough? Maybe if I just move the branches out of the way, I can maybe pass through. Simple. I won't have to go through a wild goose chase just to find the already rare HM01. Why is it such an issue to begin with? If there is a big tree in my way, sure. I don't want to try to go through that and come out with a Weedle latching onto my head. But a very thin tree that I can probably snap in half on my own? Yeah. Someone please give a logical explanation to that.

"And do you notice that these things grow like weeds on super fertilizer? You can cut a skinny tree down, come back a few minutes later, and it's back! Let's try that again. Cut down a skinny tree, go inside a house, come back out… THERE IT IS! Do these trees have very exceptional regenerating abilities, is someone planting them there, or is some Pokémon god playing tricks on me? What the heck, man! I am surprised that these things aren't even more widespread! In that case, we will need some powerful weed killers. I just hope that we won't be harming the Grass Pokémon along the way.

"And that's it for today! I know this is a very short episode, especially when compared to my interview with Professor Oak last time, but bear with me. I have a lot more topics to bring up, each one of them taunting your brains. If you have some topics you wanted to share, text TOPIC to 7653. You can also leave comments on the Variety Channel's Pokébook account. Hear from you soon!"

"Thank you, Bob. That was a brief, but very strange, topic. After a commercial break, Buena will announce today's password and we will get some radio drama after! Please stay tuned!"

"The Variety Channel that's a treasure chest filled with laughter and tears!"


End file.
